Foreordained
by Konnie-chan
Summary: Seishiro's thoughts during the end of TB


**FOREORDAINED**

**by Konnie**

**_A/N: CLAMP IS EVIL! You have to understand, as familiar as I am to anime and _****_manga, all I had ever watched/read of Clamp was CCS, MKR, GD and Wish. Tokyo _****_Babylon I was not ready for. Even Clover was nicer! And Clover made me cry! _****_Well, that out of the way, I actually only own the first five volumes of the _****_manga. The rest I had to manage with translations that, to my distress, didn't_****_bother with descriptions AT ALL. Not even to mention where an action was taking_****_place or when there was a change of scenery. So I don't really have a clue of _****_where Subaru is when he's all comatose after Sei-chan's little revelation. So _****_you'll forgive me if I fail the goddess of accuracy. _**

**_This is a sort of therapeutic attempt on my part to cope with TB's ending. I've _****_had it on my head ever since I read it, but it was only after I found out that _****_Subaru accepts to be the new Sakurazukamori in X after Seishiro's death that it _****_finally made sense. If I just said something that ruined X forever for you, I _****_profusely apologize. But if you know that, the fic will make all the more sense, _****_or so I hope. _**

**_This takes place between Seishiro trying to kill Subaru on TB and Seishiro _****_killing Hokuto. And no, Seishiro isn't all good and regretful at the end. That _****_thought just makes me shiver._**

**_The A/N is almost as long as the fic, ne? Well, read on then. This is not mine. _****_TB is Clamp's, though the idea for the story did came out of my brain._**

**_Review and make me happy again. TB is sooooo sad! I need comforting!_**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

I am the Sakurazukamori. An assassin that knows no feeling; no regret. It is the way the cards were dealt. Fate.

There is no escaping fate, you must know that, my beloved Subaru. Here you lay, motionless, buried deep inside yourself because your innocent heart couldn't bare my betrayal. I'm evil, ne? Nothing but a vicious murderer that toyed with your emotions.

I can feel the smile creeping to my face. Always so naive, Subaru-kun.

The yin and the yang. That's what we are; I know that now. That's why I didn't kill you. Oh, I wanted to. Like I've never wanted anything before. It's embarrassing to say so, but it scared me; the shadow of emotion that my desire to kill you arose within me.

You of all people should know the need for balance. To a positive energy, an equal amount of a negative force is needed; it must exists.

I must be.

Whereas you, my dear Subaru, are dispensable. There will always be people who are so self-righteous, so blind as you've been, to balance my side of the circle. It is people like you that make the need for a person like me to exist. I'm not a man who lets himself be carried by others. Nor their needs. I enjoy being the Sakurazukamori. I'm good at it too.

It's amazing to discover I've been as blind as you, isn't it?

I'm but a toy; my choices, my desires don't matter. My destiny was foreordained.

It's rewarding to see you here, on this bed, with your spirit crushed beyond repair. It's what you deserve. But it's not enough. You have found a way of escaping your pain, and we can have that now, can we?

I must admit I lied. You won the bet, Subaru. You made me feel, and for that you must suffer.

From the moment I saw you, seven years ago, I knew you and I were one. Two sides to a whole. And it made me curious. The faint memory I had of feelings sparked a curiosity within me like nothing before. I wanted to know if I was right. A little experiment, if you will. I was; you were- are- the only one that can make a shadow of emotion surface in me. It was my feelings for you that made me see just how much I must hate you.

I'm nothing but a toy. I cannot feel, and now I know why.

A dry laugh escapes my lips, remembering the desperate show I put up for you that day in the hospital. God I wanted to kill you so bad. I wanted you to die, to stop the pain that my feelings for you had brought along. And I wanted you to kill me. I still do. But now I've found a way of paying you back.

Sakanagi, Subaru-kun. The spell you've cast over my soul; it's time for it to return to you.

It would have been nice, wouldn't it? If you and I had been nothing but a veterinarian and a high school student. Even here, with your pale skin and your brow creased in eternal distress. You're beautiful.

You'll wake up eventually. You'll suffer forever. It's what you deserve, forthat faint instant when I felt the weight of what I am in my heart; that second of guilt was more than what a life time of your self-indulged pain could convey. One day you'll find me. It's the way the cards were dealt. It's fate. And that promised day you'll kill me. I know that now. And in that promised day I'll win.

That day my vengeance will be complete. For I know that you love me.

As I'll love you; forever.

**_Owari_**

**_A/N: Hmm, why couldn't I just put THE END, like I always do? You anime writers_**

**_are starting to rub off on me. It must be stopped!!_**

**_(shrieks) Subaru-kun is soooo cute!_**


End file.
